Day 22: Your Worst Habits

   One of my worst habits by far is nail biting. I've been doing it since I was a kid. I don't know if I have anxiety or what. My family tried everything to get me to stop. Hot sauce, anti nail biting nail polish, & painting my nails. It wasn't until I started getting acrylics that I stopped biting them entirely. I love the way they look when I get them done. I think that helps stop me from biting them. Also, the knowledge that I paid for them helps.

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Day 21: What Makes You Sad?

Death. Death makes me sad. I had a dream last night where I got to see my Aunt Mona (great aunt) & my Papa (grandpa). In my dream I saw them come through the front door of the house I grew up in & I hugged them & cried like a baby.

   I'm not an emotional person at all. However, when someone close to me dies I hurt so deep. I shutdown. I cry so hard I forget to breathe.

   When someone I know loses someone they were close to I feel for them. I cry like its someone I knew. I get the knot in my throat and everything. It's one of the few times my empathy kicks into high gear.

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Day 20: What Makes You Happy

   I think alot of the things that make me happy other people take for granted. My son Junior (AKA Bugs) for example makes me so immensly happy. Every morning when I go to pick him up he has this huge smile on his face. I get to hug him & kiss his cheeks & he makes his little cooing noises. It makes me so happy to have him. At age 16 I was told that I wouldn't be able to have children of my own. So, to have him & be able to hold him is one of God's greatest gifts to me. It made me feel as though the impossible was possible.

   Another thing that makes me happy would be my husband. We've been together a little more than 5 years now (including our years dating). It hasn't all been rainbows & sunshine but, we made it through. We did it without taking any breaks or breaking up entirely. We have been through so much together & I think it's so hard to find someone who wont give up on you. One of those "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" people. His sense of humor has gotten me past what I would consider the worst days of my life. I appreciate & love him so much...even on our bad days.

   Lastly, is my Jazz. Jon got her for me when he was working out of state so I wouldn't be lonely. She is spoiled rotten & she knows it. I've said it before & I'll say it again, she is one of the best dogs I've ever had. She doesn't like being pestered too much but when she wants love she will come up to you & nudge your hand with her head. She gets all the good food (people food) & "best bites" (what my husband calls the last bite of food). When she's not stinky or losing fur like it's going out of style she even gets to lay on our bed.

   These are the things that make me happy. Of course there's other things like music or movies or books. If you really want to make me happy take me to Disney...Disneyland, Disney World, Disney On Ice, a Disney Cruise...I'm not picky.

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Day 19: A Photo Of Yourself

This picture is one of my favorites of myself ❤ I took it while trying on clothes with my little sister at Kohl's. I think I look genuinely happy here. I was having a good hair day from the looks of it too.

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Day 18: Favorite Movie

I have a few favorite movies. I guess it depends on genre. I love comedy. After all laughter is the best medicine. Thats why White Chicks is one of my favorites. I can quote the entire thing from start to finish while cracking up. I also love romance movies so count me in for The Notebook & Titanic. Fair warning I cry everytime Rose descends from the staircase to Jack at the end of the movie. I also will watch Selena any day of the year. Grown Ups is also a family favorite & you can be sure I'll be saying "MAIZE" for 3 days after. There's so many more of my favorite movies like Patch Adams, Aladdin, & My Girl. Watching movies is one of my favorite things. To be immersed in something so much that you forget the world around you.

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Day 17: 20 Favorites (food edition)

Favorite fast food restaurant?

Jack In The Box

Favorite ice cream flavor?

Vanilla or The Tonight Dough

Favorite chocolate candy?

Reeses

Favorite fruity candy?

Lifesavers gummies

Favorite flavor Starburst?

Whatever pink is lol

Favorite dish at Olive Garden?

Fettucinne Alfredo

Favorite kind of sushi?

Eel rolls!

Favorite Asian dish?

Ramen

Favorite Italian dish?

Spaghetti is 2nd to Fettucinni Alfredo

Favorite food of all time?

Again Fettucinni Alfredo

Favorite way to cook a steak?

Medium rare

Favorite pasta dish?

FETTUCINNE ALFREDO

Favorite cookie?

Chocolate Chip

Favorite fast food French fries?

Burger king or Mickey D's

Favorite cereal?

Lucky Charms

Favorite breakfast food?

Omelet or French Toast

Favorite pizza toppings?

PINEAPPLE DOES GO ON PIZZA

Favorite fruit?

Strawberries

Favorite vegetable?
Carrots 

Favorite dessert?
Tira Misu or Tres Leches Cake

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Day 16: What Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self?

I think my younger self was very boy crazy. If I could give myself any advice it would be to pay less attention to boys & to focus on school. I dont even want to know how much time I wasted on boys who weren't worth it. Had I known that I would meet my now husband & father of my child 4 months after graduating high school I wouldn't have paid anyone any mind. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason though. Had I done better in school I would've gone to college & never met my husband. Lord knows I love him & our baby way too much to even wish for that. It was all worth it & went exactly the way it had to so that we could be here together.

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Day 15: Most Difficult Life Circumstance

   One of the hardest moments if my life had to be my parents second divorce. They re-married when I was about 12 & seperated when I had just turned 19. I think why it ate at me the most is because I was convinced that the second time around it must be meant to be. I thought they would be like Noah & Allie (The Notebook). I desperately wanted them to work out so that we could be close even as we kids grew up. The first time they divorced I was too young too remember anything. The second time I understood why they couldn't stay together. It's terrifying really. Now being married myself I worry about all those what ifs. Could I see my husband with someone else & be okay with it for the sake of our children? Could we be civil & have joint birthday parties & holidays? It was something I thought I got over at 19. However, I've never been good at dealing with my negative emotions so I did what I do best. I pushed them away. Pretended they didn't exist until I eventually convinced myself & everyone around me that I was fine. The problem with this is that when I breakdown it's all the bad emotions crashing down at once. It's thinking that my husband will leave me for someone better even though I'm doing the best I can to be a good wife. It's thinking that no one cares about me, that no one would notice if I was gone. It's thinking I'm not good enough no matter what I do. When this happens I shutdown. I cry so hard I forget to breathe.   

   My parents used to listen to Oldies together. I couldn't stand them as that was almost all they'd listen to. When they seperated I sat in front of the apartment complex listening to Oldies & cried. Like Kim K ugly crying. I dont even know how long I was there. All I know is that it was long enough for my now husband to call & ask me if I was okay (I was supposed to be on my way home from work). Some days it still gets bad. Sometimes I dont want to talk about it because most people just dont understand. I'm lucky enough to have my husband who just holds me through it. Sometimes thats all I need. An I'm here for you person. Don't we all?

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Day 14: If I Ever Became Rich

   Today's topic was actually "3 Healthy Habits" but lets be real here no one likes someone who doesn't practice what they preach. I literally had Mickey D's for dinner last night & I am having coffee for breakfast. I am not the one to follow on the diet wagon. "Not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy Twinkies". So, instead I chose to free write and just dream.
   If I were to ever become rich I would pay off my car. It's the only real debt I have. Then I would pay off my husband's debt which again isn't much besides school loans (yay college!). I'd probably then put a down on a house and work towards paying that. I'd also get my husband a nice car. He's wanted a Scion FRS for as long as I can remember and I love surprising him. I would've loved to have gotten his reaction on camera when I got him the. TV he wanted for Christmas/his birthday. It was golden and he was so happy. The next thing I would do is buy us a trip to Spain. It's one of the places he really wants to go to and he really is deserving of the best. What I'd really like to do is surprise our family and just be like everyone pack a change of clothes for the week and let everyone know you'll be out of town. I'd take everyone to my happy place but one of the ones I haven't been to yet. Like Walt Disney World or Shanghai Disneyland. If you don't know by now I love everything Disney. I could be a spokesperson for Disney because I genuinely love it that much. If I were rich I'd give money to the churches that helped build me as a person. For them to improve upon their current buildings or to get a physical location for years to come. With all the things I want to do it would probably be in my best interest to get a financial advisor. Otherwise I might not be rich for long.

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Day 13: Your Favorite Pet/Animal

My favorite pet would be a dog. They are just so loving. We don't deserve them. Jazz for example, we adopted her and she was extremely skittish (September 2017). We were told that her and her sister had been turned in the week before. She showed signs of prior abuse like running when we pulled out kitchen chairs to sit at dinner time. We got her a bed and we could tell she was exhausted. She probably hadn't slept well in awhile. She didn't trust us though and was literally falling asleep standing up. We wanted to make her feel at home and know that she was loved so Jon and I sat on the floor with her and led her to her bed until she understood it was hers. During our first year together that became her safe place where she went when she got overwhelmed by how many people we had over or the noise level. When Jon had to go out of state for work she stopped eating. I think she thought she was being abandoned again. I cried because she refused to eat. I called my mom asking what I should do. She recommended that I go out and get her a rotisserrie chicken, wet dog food, chicken broth, and white rice. I mixed all that in with her dry dog food and she wasn't able to resist it. She ate again that night and I was so happy. She's been spoiled rotten ever since. She sleeps on our bed, gets all the good food, and all the love. She is by far one of the best dogs I've ever had. She isn't a very good guard dog but she's friendly and has the funniest attitude. I swear that she is a person reincarnated because she's still learning how to dog. She literally stares at herself in the mirror like "Oh my God. I'm a dog". Our family jokes that she is self aware.


Day 12: Countries You Want To Visit

I'll be honest I'm not good at geography so I did originally get confused with my continents & countries. I also didn't realize how many countries there were.
1) Australia
2) Belgium
3) Brazil
4) Canada
5) Costa Rica

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Day 11: Favorite Food

1) Fettucine Alfredo (by far my favorite food!)
2) Pulled Pork Sandwiches (specifically from BBQ Pit)
3) Chile RelleƱos (the ones my grandma makes prefferably)
4) Caldo De Res (when I'm sick no matter what the weather)
5) Fish Tacos (my husband makes such good fish tacos!)
Y'all when I tell you to pray for your future husband or wife I'm dead serious. Be specific too. I kid you not I prayed for my future husband to know how to cook because honestly I'm not that good at it. As fate would have it Jon (my husband) is a great cook.

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Day 10: The Trip Of Your Life

It hasn't happened yet but, someday I will get to go to all the places I dream of. Walk through churches & museums. Learn the dances & how to make the food of the places I visit. I'd like to go with my husband to Spain, Greece, Italy, Fiji, Hawaii. I'd like to visit every Disney park in the world & probably cry as I look at their castles. I'd like to swim with dolphins & have my children experience all these places too. If I ever won the lotto I'd never live in one place ever again.

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Day 9: Favorite Love Quote

This one is easy! Its actually something I want to get a part of tattooed. Its Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep

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Day 8: Bucket List

How long do you have? I have an actual physical list. I even dated it! May 1st, 2013. There is just so much I want to do & see before I die. I hope someday I can actually say I did it all.
Go skydiving
Go bungee jumping
Learn italian
Travel (Italy/Hawaii/etc.)
Go on a cruise
Make & complete a scrapbook
Learn to ballroom dance
Be in 2 places at once (Thanks "A Walk To Remember")
Go on a roadtrip w/friends
Change someones life
Get something named after me
Make a difference in the world
Support a cause
Run/walk in the Susan G Komen 3 Day For A Cure
Run or Dye (color run)
Be well known for something positive
Write & publish a book
Be in a movie (extra?)
Go ziplining
Be in a commercial
World record for something
Be in a magazine
Eat something unusual
Ride a motorcycle
Own a really nice car
Watch a Broadway play
Go scuba diving
Ride in a hot air balloon
Go hangliding
Go zorbing
Go stargazing
Watch the Monarch Butterfly Migration (I actually got to see this with Painted Lady Butterflies & it was everything I've ever thought it would be)

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Day 7: Favorite Song

I don't really have a favorite song per say. I love music. My dad was a DJ for awhile & I got really good at remembering lyrics, song titles, & artist names. My music taste is really out there for some people as I dont stick to any certain genre. I can go from jamming out to "Bohemian Rhapsody" to "Por Mujeres Como Tu" to "Shots" & somehow make my way to "Drops of Jupiter" & "Year 3000". If you know me personally you know I'm an odd person overall so this shouldn't be surprising.

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Day 6: What Are You Afraid Of?

I could start with what scares me physically thats simple. It's clowns. I for a reason unknown am afraid of clowns. Needless to say a few years ago when all the psychos started popping up outside as clowns I was ready. I highkey would hit one with my car if they tried me. Then there is the fears that lie beneath the surface. The fear of being alone. I like being alone by choice. I do not like being alone when it's my only option. I fear my husband not outliving me & me having to be alone. Lets be honest here, how am I going to get another good man to look past my crazy & love me forever? I fear divorce. I never want my kids to have to wonder where they will be on holidays & birthdays. I fear death. It's inevitable but I want to go first I dont want to see my closest friends & family die. I am not good with loss. Those are my fears irrational or not.


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Day 5: Proudest Moment

I think my proudest moment thus far was the day I had my son. My pregnancy was extremely easy & for that I am lucky. It was just amazing to see what my body is capable of. It made this tiny human. His smile just lights up the room & his laugh makes my heart so happy. He's part of the reason I decided to be a surrogate. I think every good person in the world deserves a love like this.

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Pictured: Junior the day we brought him home from the hospital

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