Missing Home

I had a dream I was in Disneyland last night. Man! What I would give to be there right now. I haven't been since our wedding last year & it feels like its been ages. There's just something about being there for me that helps me forget everything bad going on. That's what I love about it. That just for a few hours everything is good. I'm not worried about what needs to be taken care of & I get to live in the moment. I wish I could live there. I'm still upset I found out about the Disney College Program after I stopped going to school. All part of God's plan I guess. Had I known about it I would've been on the first plane to Florida. I looked into the Disney English Program recently & I was like I could TOTALLY teach English to kids in Japan. Then I realized two very important things...first I don't have a teaching degree & second I don't speak ANY Japanese. I guess that would be pretty important. If you're reading this know that I'm trying to find the time to blog daily. I just don't have much to talk about. My life is pretty monotonous. One of my current life goals is to be that vlogger that everyone hates but secretly wants to be like. You know the "My Trip To...". They've been everywhere. Greece, Switzerland, England, France...you name it, they've been there or will soon be going there. Mark my words y'all I'm going to be that person. In order to be a YouTube Creator you have to have 4,000 watch hours & 1,000 subscribers. I have 4 watch hours & 41 subscribers. So, if your reading this subscribe to your girl. Even if you don't watch my nonsense. Show me some love y'all. I'm just trying to live my best life. https://youtu.be/3Q8FVffJDbQ

July 18th, 2019

I must admit, it's a lot harder to post daily than I originally anticipated. I'm writing this article at almost 9:30 at night only because my son is asleep & I'm not as exhausted as I usually am. He will be 6 months tomorrow which is hard for me to process. I feel like I just had him yesterday. He's so small & yet so big all at once. He gives me a sense of purpose I didn't have before. I wasn't a bad kid when I was younger. I never came home drunk or high or Lord forbid pregnant. I think that's a combination of respect for my parents, fear of an ass beating, & not wanting to disappoint them. Now that I'm a mom it's somewhat like that. Like he's watching so you better get it together you know? I mess up, I get frustrated, & sometimes I fall. I'm only human. I want my kids to see the best version of me. He's the reason I decided to FINALLY go back to school guys. I for whatever reason didn't do it for myself but I WILL for him. So, that he'll see its never too late but also so that he'll want to out do me & not have to go back to college 6 years later. I kick myself in the butt for dropping out sometimes. I could've had at LEAST a bachelors degree by now. I have 4 years until my 10 year high school reunion which means I have less than 4 years to get it together. Wish me luck! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSxUZQ9thpKxy6jk6adP0WQ

Day 24: Your Biggest Regret

Mine has got to be not staying in school. It's been 6 year since I graduated high school. I could've at least had my bachelor's degree by now. I kick myself in the butt for it. It's never too late though so I will be taking online classes this year. I hope to have my degree to teach before Bugs starts kinder. Thats my game plan & I plan to stick to it.

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Day 23: What Attracts You In Love

For me its not about looks. It's all about sense of humor. When I first started talking to my husband the first thing I noticed about him was that he was hilarious. To this day he keeps me laughing. Him being cute is just the icing on the cake. I'm a very happy person & if you cant make me laugh & we cant playfully joke around it will never work.

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Day 22: Your Worst Habits

   One of my worst habits by far is nail biting. I've been doing it since I was a kid. I don't know if I have anxiety or what. My family tried everything to get me to stop. Hot sauce, anti nail biting nail polish, & painting my nails. It wasn't until I started getting acrylics that I stopped biting them entirely. I love the way they look when I get them done. I think that helps stop me from biting them. Also, the knowledge that I paid for them helps.

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Day 21: What Makes You Sad?

Death. Death makes me sad. I had a dream last night where I got to see my Aunt Mona (great aunt) & my Papa (grandpa). In my dream I saw them come through the front door of the house I grew up in & I hugged them & cried like a baby.

   I'm not an emotional person at all. However, when someone close to me dies I hurt so deep. I shutdown. I cry so hard I forget to breathe.

   When someone I know loses someone they were close to I feel for them. I cry like its someone I knew. I get the knot in my throat and everything. It's one of the few times my empathy kicks into high gear.

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Day 20: What Makes You Happy

   I think alot of the things that make me happy other people take for granted. My son Junior (AKA Bugs) for example makes me so immensly happy. Every morning when I go to pick him up he has this huge smile on his face. I get to hug him & kiss his cheeks & he makes his little cooing noises. It makes me so happy to have him. At age 16 I was told that I wouldn't be able to have children of my own. So, to have him & be able to hold him is one of God's greatest gifts to me. It made me feel as though the impossible was possible.

   Another thing that makes me happy would be my husband. We've been together a little more than 5 years now (including our years dating). It hasn't all been rainbows & sunshine but, we made it through. We did it without taking any breaks or breaking up entirely. We have been through so much together & I think it's so hard to find someone who wont give up on you. One of those "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" people. His sense of humor has gotten me past what I would consider the worst days of my life. I appreciate & love him so much...even on our bad days.

   Lastly, is my Jazz. Jon got her for me when he was working out of state so I wouldn't be lonely. She is spoiled rotten & she knows it. I've said it before & I'll say it again, she is one of the best dogs I've ever had. She doesn't like being pestered too much but when she wants love she will come up to you & nudge your hand with her head. She gets all the good food (people food) & "best bites" (what my husband calls the last bite of food). When she's not stinky or losing fur like it's going out of style she even gets to lay on our bed.

   These are the things that make me happy. Of course there's other things like music or movies or books. If you really want to make me happy take me to Disney...Disneyland, Disney World, Disney On Ice, a Disney Cruise...I'm not picky.

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